While motoring recently on the New Jersey Turnpike, my wife Gertrude and I thought we'd experience the delightful restaurants of the charming Clara Barton rest stop, near Newark. After visiting the overly fragrant facilities to clean our hands, we decided upon the Roy Rogers bistro, as we were somewhat put off by the large, mocking sculpture of Big Boy in front of the adjacent café of the same name.
We stood around confused for a few seconds, being unable to locate a maitre d' as we had no reservation and were surely going to have to tip someone to get a table on such short notice. Upon noticing the many empty tables, which were set up in a sort of witty "indoor" version of an outdoor café, we decided to try our luck in the line of other patrons before us.
It was at that point that we noticed the excessively casual attire of the clientele, and we laughed heartily at the way they mocked the lower classes with their exaggerated hoi polloi garb. I exchanged a knowing glance with the gentleman behind me in line who sported a hilarious NASCAR T-shirt and matching hat. I joshed him that he must have a sticker on the back of his Chevrolet pickup truck with Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes fame urinating on a Ford logo, and he pretended to become hostile and insult my attire in the manner of a true redneck. Bravo!
Assuming this was perhaps some new European trend, we followed the others and made selections from the rather limited variety of sandwiches.
When it finally came to be our turn, we truly found out how popular this restaurant was--people were literally carrying small waiter trays and getting their own food from some sort of bizarre buffet line. Equally strange was the fact that all the food was wrapped in some sort of futuristic foil-like material to retain warmth. Assuming this was perhaps some new European trend, we followed the others and made selections from the rather limited variety of sandwiches. We selected our food and moved to the quaint cash register payment area, where we were ordered by a rather droll young man to pay before we ate. From there we headed to the "Fixins Bar" for condiments and complimentary pickle slices, tomatoes and iceberg lettuce (which we avoided due to a somewhat brownish hue).
After selecting a plastic table, we began eating our meal. From the fixed price (or "Round-Up") menu, I had chosen the Goldrush Chicken Sandwich Round-Up ($4.09), which consisted of a chicken sandwich, french fries and a soft drink. One may, for an additional 49¢, change the meal to a "BIG Round-Up meal," but I wasn't sure if that much food would behoove me. The Goldrush Chicken Sandwich was somewhat overcooked and of mediocre consistency. The roll was a bit stale and seemed saturated with a brownish grease of some sort. The overly thick pommes frites were heavily salted but quite good, not exactly up to the standards of Maxim's, but adequate for this side of the Seine. My soft drink, a "Sprite," which I was forced to pour for myself from a sort of crude soda fountain apparatus, was hardly carbonated and seemed to smell slightly of aluminum.
From the a la carte menu, my wife selected Roy's Original Roast Beef Sandwich ($2.95), which she said was a bit stringy, but overall was rather tasty with the addition of "Double-R Barbeque Sauce." For her vegetables, my wife selected the Regular Sized Baked Beans ($1.04) and Cole Slaw ($1.04). The baked beans were a bit too soft and certainly not up to par with Chef Edward Waldorf's Tangy Three-Bean Medley. The cole slaw was swimming in a kind of bland liquid mayonnaise and seemed hardly palatable. Gertrude became a bit nauseated from these side dishes and was unable to finish her Large Shake ($1.54) which was also disappointing as it seemed less like an ice cream beverage and more like the liquid in which the cole slaw was marinating.
Overall, I'd have to say that Roy Rogers bistro leaves much to be desired. In addition to the odd serving arrangements, the surly help and less-than-fresh vegetables, much of the food seemed to be saturated with some sort of viscous oil rendering it quite unappetizing. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate Roy Rogers as a 4 for food but, on an up note, I would give it a 10 for value as our meal totalled less than $12, which wouldn't even tip the valet at most other establishments.
